The HeroQuest Hero Quest: The Barbarian

The best thing about HeroQuest is the Barbarian's hair boots

Buffdar the Huge, Warrior of the North, Bearer of the Biggest Guns, Five Time Champion of the Frozen Lake Loincloth Vigil, swung his broadsword into the bony face of a skeleton, smashing it to powder, before hacking a zombie in twain with the backswing. He hummed a crude little undead-slaying tune as he turned and smashed his sword pommel into the face of an advancing mummy, causing it to stagger backwards. As it did so, the hulking barbarian stomped down on a trailing rag and watched with amusement as the ancient creature comically unravelled, spinning helplessly across the rough dungeon tiles before tumbling into a yawning stake-pit, it's dessicated husk becoming impaled on multiple rusty iron spikes. The mummy continued to groan and twitch, each motion causing it to slide a little further down the shaft, where it would remain until it finally crumbled to dust.

"HA HA HA," boomed the huge, well-oiled barbarian, as he turned to face another festering zombie, "Tell your friends I shaft your mumma tonight - many times!"

"It's MUMMY you big oaf," groaned Fistion the Fabulous, the Mystic Mage. "Your brain is as ineffective as my single combat dice..."

"Shut up puny dork!" guffawed Buffdar, "Your mummy next when we return from grand adventure! Now give me lunch money and juice box!"

"No, that's my last healing potion and I nee-AIIIIEEEE!"

"Enjoy atomic wedgie, weakling! HA! HA! HA!"

Somewhere between those massive biceps and all that thigh meat beats the heart of a warrior born

Hola Creepers, this is your Captain speaking! When Cheetor conceptualized this concept for a group project, I was the first to raise my virtual hand and claim my oily oily prize - the chance to paint The Barbarian for all your pleasures.

If you were a kid in the 80's playing HeroQuest, there was only one real choice for a character. No 8yr old is going to go crazy over a dwarf that looked like a bearded raisin, and the only kids who were into elves were currently dangling from their greying Y-fronts on the clothes hooks at the back of the school gymnasium. And don't get me started on the wizard... just don't. 

"I loin-thrust at you with disdain, strange green assailant!"

Nope, the BARBARIAN is where it was at. His naked frame barreled through every door with no heed for petty concerns such as 'safety' and 'equal distribution of treasure'. If you didn't need to be bailed out of trouble by a magic user at least three times a turn you were barbarizing WRONG.

"I'm ready for you now Witch Lord! I have Spirit Blade, Heroic Brew and Barely Effective Undergarment!"

Painting this figure again after so many years was a real treat. In fact, the HeroQuest barbarian was my first ever painted mini, which I still have, although he got an update when I got my first Citadel paint set (under all that flesh paint is Humbrol Tan Flesh, Olive Drab, Gunmetal and a weird metallic brown that I used for everything back then that wasn't metal, skin or olives).

"HA HA! Look at stupid Old Me - he never learnt Riddle of Giant Plastic Oblong and now sword-analogue has snapped at hilt! I chortle at you! HA! HA!"

This project has me seriously enthused about painting up the rest of 'the gang' - I was genuinely surprised by the amount of subtle detail on a sculpt so obviously nuggetty. It's been observed before of course, but they really did push the limits of the available technology to bring these archetypes to lumpy plastic life.

The next installment of the HeroQuest Hero Quest is from another esteemed guest of the Creeps, the profane and prolific propeller of paint, Rochie Rochford of Buried Under Lead. I can't wait to see what he comes up with!