21 March 2016

Meet Your Maker: An Introspective Blog

There comes a time in every ongoing group 'flow-of-consciousness' type chat scenario where someone will suddenly say, usually in the middle of a frank discussion about the current global political landscape, "OoO! If we were minis, what sculptor would do us?"

In this instance it was Mr Saturday, and we managed to boil this massively vain, self-appraising concept down to the following answers:


JJ is a classic example of a Perry sculpt from the 80's - he is rugged, historically accurate and will fit nicely into a number of different scenarios without drawing undue comment. His features, while well defined, carry a sense of careworn attention, probably because his mould has been used a fair number of times to cater for both the historical and fantastical crowd. Also, like a Perry halfling, JJ spends a lot of time underground and has extraordinarily hairy feet.


JB Assless carries himself with an elfin poise and grace that can only be described as both beautiful and deadly - just like a Goodwin sculpt. Additionally, JB has been known to sprout hideous mutations from time to time, just like a Goodwin sculpt. Noone can pass an Asslessman without commenting on how much they want to own him, how intricate and clever it is, and how The Assless ones cannot be mistaken for any other, for their style is unique, even if the face always looks the same, regardless of how much hair you add.


The Most Reverend Whiskey resembles a Confrontation skavvie in more ways than one - he is deftly realised, larger than life and ugly as a hatful of war-crimes (I mean that in a good way). He stands tall above other ranges for his sheer creativity, his distinctively sculpted detail and occasional gangrenous limbs. Aly really went to town on the Whiskey sculpt, and rumours of it's bad-assedness precede it. Whenever someone puts El Padre on the table people sit up and pay attention (mainly to make sure he isn't armed with a cricket bat). If you had a Whiskey Priest in a blister pack you would not hesitate to tear him out, regardless of how much you could sell him for on eBay.


Like a Fitzy sculpt, Cheetor is modern, sexy, and a bit off-putting to those who consider themselves familiar with human anatomy. His fresh styles are confronting, not easily conforming to people's expectations, and not trying to either. Like the sleek hunting cat that bears his name, a Cheetor sculpt is full of barely restrained power, high speed motion captured in a frozen instant, and smells vaguely catty, like a jumper that cats sleep on a lot. The big shame about Chris sculpting Cheetor is that he has no breasts, because he turns out a fine bosum. In fact this is a real failing on Cheetor's part, one we are hoping peer pressure and a Kickstarter will be able to solve very soon.

ANTIPIXI as sculpted by KEV ADAMS

There is something about Mr Pixi that is so animated, so cheeky, so vibrantly full of life that it takes someone like Kev to properly realise it. Whether it's his undeniably ribald sense of humour or the fact he resembles a goblinoid in everything but colour (unless you're the type to paint your orcs in pink fleshtones, in which case, just, you know, you do that, guy), the fact is that Antipixi and Adams are a pairing made in heaven - but not the traditional heaven with angels and fluffy clouds; more like some sort of hipster heaven where all the cows are grass fed and the clouds are made of tofu and everyone drinks cider and smokes grandpa pipes.

AXIOM as sculpted by TOM MEIER

Tom Meier is a legendary sculptor, reclusive, mysterious, and insanely talented. Axiom is all of these things too, except not really that reclusive, fairly unmysterious, and mostly sculpts for conversions. So not really like Tom Meier at all. But he is very talented. At stuff. Like... coits?
Anyway, Tom's sculpts are noble and elegant, with detail that defies logic on so small a scale, and this just happens to describe Axiom perfectly too (he really is a tiny, tiny man). An Axiom figure is the kind you paint really carefully and slowly, using all your skills on max level, and you even go to the trouble of getting like, a plinth, to mount it on (but the model is on a smaller removable base too because Axiom was made to game, dammit).


As far as sculpting monsters go, there is only one name in the minds and hearts of a whole generation - and that name is Trish. If it didn't need a lobster arm and batwings previously, she will make it need them, HARD. When tackling the issue of how to sculpt a von Bismark, she looked beyond the frail trappings of his flesh-body and saw the true chaos within - for there are few as capricious and chaotic as Otto when he is on one of his famous idea-benders. The detail on TheOttovonBismark is copious, at times unnecessary, big, dramatic and covered in boils and other unsavory lesions. The multiple limbs reflect his endless desire for holding more sculpting tools, the multiple heads represent the numerous brains he requires to keep all those ideas in, and the bat wings are... I dunno, like a signature? Why not add them? Could be useful, yeah?


Le Baron Saturday, or 'Mr' to his friends, is the perfect muse for one such as Mark. The apocalyptic wastelands of the future are bound to be crawling with creatures that look exactly like Mr, all top-hat wearing tribal voodoo road warrior hunchbacks wearing power armour and carrying unfeasible weapons with clips in all the wrong places. A sculpt of Saturday requires the sort of crisp detail that can practically etch out the flowers on his floral print dress and yet still give the end user all the freedom to paint it as they will - endless vistas of solid, dependable sculpting that are a pleasure time and again. Just like Mr Saturday. Every Saturday.


Of all the old-time mini sculptors of the 80's, few took their time as seriously as the Bib. And how it shows. Ask anyone, they all tell you, his dragons are the best around. Hands down. His dedication to anatomical detail and that sense of 'realism' in the fantastic make him the best choice to sculpt a Crooks, for The Crooks has a great deal of anatomy, some may even say 'oceans' of it. Nick did some hard yards bringing the controversial Fimir range into being, and all that time spent working on sagging bellies and one-eyed heads will put him in good stead when tackling the ol' Captain. The specific gravity of a fat-roll? No problem. The distinct lack of any pants? Easy-peasy. The odd combination of blubber, hair and grease? Biatch please, the man makes a living sculpting perfect animal replicas now, he could just use a spare grizzly bear mould and fill it with donuts. Done. Time for a cuppa.  

Check out our coming post where every WIPster does his favourite sculptor in miniature now ;)


  1. LMAO You guys know how to brighten a case of the Monday's!

  2. Worst of all is that I'd probably buy any of those models actually...

  3. Replies
    1. This post is particularly indulgent, its true.

      They wont ALL be like this, probably.

  4. That Bibby sculpt is terrifyingly creepy!

    1. Rumour has it that the model went unreleased because the moulds kept breaking in fright.

  5. I...cant...stop....laughing!!!! Genius boys....I fear that like Crooksy...I may be a Bibby Sculpt...But I would prefer is Aly M. handled the work...:)

    1. There's no shame in being a Bibby. Even a one-eyed Bibby bog-monster has its merits, why else would people pay so much for them? We are highly sought Blue, highly sought.

  6. Lol if you can't make fun of yourselves you should not make fun of others, your guys have the right to make fun of everyone, great stuff.


    1. The aim certainly was not to flatter ourselves.

      Except Asslessman. He got to be a Goodwin because we couldnt face the tearful alternative ;)

    2. There would have been serious tantrums, I mean realistically JB Assless is a McVey sculpt, but the carry on during our brainstorming sessions was just next level...

    3. JB hears the conversation from the door left ajar and leaves... sad and lonely, his heart shattered and soiled and the tears in his eyes leaving a bitter taste when they reach his lips. He then mutters : "At least I'm no Dave Andrews"