16 September 2016

The HeroQuest Hero Quest: The Barbarian


The best thing about HeroQuest is the Barbarian's hair boots



Buffdar the Huge, Warrior of the North, Bearer of the Biggest Guns, Five Time Champion of the Frozen Lake Loincloth Vigil, swung his broadsword into the bony face of a skeleton, smashing it to powder, before hacking a zombie in twain with the backswing. He hummed a crude little undead-slaying tune as he turned and smashed his sword pommel into the face of an advancing mummy, causing it to stagger backwards. As it did so, the hulking barbarian stomped down on a trailing rag and watched with amusement as the ancient creature comically unravelled, spinning helplessly across the rough dungeon tiles before tumbling into a yawning stake-pit, it's dessicated husk becoming impaled on multiple rusty iron spikes. The mummy continued to groan and twitch, each motion causing it to slide a little further down the shaft, where it would remain until it finally crumbled to dust.




"HA HA HA," boomed the huge, well-oiled barbarian, as he turned to face another festering zombie, "Tell your friends I shaft your mumma tonight - many times!"

"It's MUMMY you big oaf," groaned Fistion the Fabulous, the Mystic Mage. "Your brain is as ineffective as my single combat dice..."

"Shut up puny dork!" guffawed Buffdar, "Your mummy next when we return from grand adventure! Now give me lunch money and juice box!"

"No, that's my last healing potion and I nee-AIIIIEEEE!"

"Enjoy atomic wedgie, weakling! HA! HA! HA!"




Somewhere between those massive biceps and all that thigh meat beats the heart of a warrior born
Hola Creepers, this is your Captain speaking! When Cheetor conceptualized this concept for a group project, I was the first to raise my virtual hand and claim my oily oily prize - the chance to paint The Barbarian for all your pleasures.

If you were a kid in the 80's playing HeroQuest, there was only one real choice for a character. No 8yr old is going to go crazy over a dwarf that looked like a bearded raisin, and the only kids who were into elves were currently dangling from their greying Y-fronts on the clothes hooks at the back of the school gymnasium. And don't get me started on the wizard... just don't. 

"I loin-thrust at you with disdain, strange green assailant!"
Nope, the BARBARIAN is where it was at. His naked frame barreled through every door with no heed for petty concerns such as 'safety' and 'equal distribution of treasure'. If you didn't need to be bailed out of trouble by a magic user at least three times a turn you were barbarizing WRONG.

"I'm ready for you now Witch Lord! I have Spirit Blade, Heroic Brew and Barely Effective Undergarment!"

Painting this figure again after so many years was a real treat. In fact, the HeroQuest barbarian was my first ever painted mini, which I still have, although he got an update when I got my first Citadel paint set (under all that flesh paint is Humbrol Tan Flesh, Olive Drab, Gunmetal and a weird metallic brown that I used for everything back then that wasn't metal, skin or olives).

"HA HA! Look at stupid Old Me - he never learnt Riddle of Giant Plastic Oblong and now sword-analogue has snapped at hilt! I chortle at you! HA! HA!"

This project has me seriously enthused about painting up the rest of 'the gang' - I was genuinely surprised by the amount of subtle detail on a sculpt so obviously nuggetty. It's been observed before of course, but they really did push the limits of the available technology to bring these archetypes to lumpy plastic life.

The next installment of the HeroQuest Hero Quest is from another esteemed guest of the Creeps, the profane and prolific propeller of paint, Rochie Rochford of Buried Under Lead. I can't wait to see what he comes up with!








29 comments:

  1. Is that even the same figure? I think your leading us on here James. You had a special resculpt done didnt you? Didnt you? Admit it!

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    1. It's true, it's actually a miniaturised cast of the real body of the non-union counterpart of Arnie, Mr Albert Schnitzelheimer, 3 time runner-up of the Mr Galaxy awards for finest calf definition.

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  2. No surprise I know but I laughed whole heartedly at this post? You were truly meant to paint manly muscles.

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    1. It was my calling in life to place my hairy stick on a well muscled man's curvatures.

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  3. He looks all Frazetta with his Conan bob haircut. The discarded potion bottle is a nice basing detail. Great job Captain, the skin is particularly fabulous.

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    1. All this model has is skin so your compliment extends to his totality by default. Cheers buddy, I had a lot of fun with it; the base detail was either going to be a bottle or a pile of guts. The jury is still out on whom would have belonged to said guts (Spoiler: it was the wizard's).

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  4. That's some lovingly painted skin right there. You should have gone with ultra gloss varnish on them glistening thews though. It gets sweaty swinging that broadsword with no regard for friend or foe. How the hell did you carve his feet out of that base? Tip of the cap to you sir.

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    1. I didn't do anything quite so complex Mr Weekend, I sliced him off the base, put pins in what was left of the soles and then mounted him leaving about 2mm of space sticking up so I could resculpt the feet. The result makes him a lot taller as you can see from the comparison shot. It also makes him more groin-thrusty, which is never not a good thing.

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  5. Awesome work Cap'n! That write up had me loling all over the place. ;)

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    1. Thanks Grover, I had fun writing it, the barbarian is such a jock, I bet he is always putting giant scorpions in the wizard's sleeping bag, eating all the rations and stealing the elf's bow oil to lube his pecs up.

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    2. Lol I totally support this lol!

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    3. If he tried to steal your lunch it'd be like that scene in Predator when Dutch and George arm-wrestle - only the gravitational forces unleashed would break open the planet

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  6. You crack me up every time you disgorge your imagination onto the blogosphere Crooksy :D

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    1. If I don't let it out regularly I get backed up and start writing musicals. Coming soon to a theatre near you, the Summer stage spectacular, 'Hair(less)', the All Singing All Dancing waxed oily naked barbarian mantasy (rated G).

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  7. I think he was my first miniature too! I seem to remember I tried using the Many Washes Over White technique but because I used watered down Humbrol instead of proper inks, he just ended up a murky grey-brown all over.

    Your barbarian, of course, looks much better!

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    1. The theory is sound, and Humbrol has its place in the hearts and bottom drawers of every miniature enthusiast, but it is also the source of much heartbreak. I really recommend having a go at these figs as a wiser and more experienced painter - they are easy to source and very forgiving, and the nostalgia will transport you to happier, simpler times. They are happy red dollops of concentrated win.

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  8. That made me laugh.

    You are restricted to no more than 22% clothed, male figures from now on Captain. Goliaths, Daemonhosts, Chippendales and WWE exclusively, your audience demands it.

    Fab work on a miniature that is essentially two pizza boxes with Chers head, perched on a bipod. I can smell him from here.

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    1. Lucky I preordered all those WWE/Chippendale crossover minis with the post-apoc assless chaps theme. I'm going to need a lot more flesh wash... possibly ALL of it.

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  9. Crooksie, you funny bugger! You flesh skillz are amazing (made even more evident by the comparison pic. 8 year old you could have sold on eBay as pro-painted!).

    The bit that made me laugh most was the 'mumma' exchange. Imagine the awkwardness of knowing that your adventuring companion was banging you mum between dungeon crawls; ultimate shame!

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    1. I've been painting a lot of flesh this year. So much flesh... flessssh. I want your flesh. Give it to meee! Ssss!

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  10. This miniature pretty much started it all off for me too, I never tire of seeing him get painted up.
    Lovely work CC.

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    1. Check your sms messages fella, planet earth needs you once again! :D

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  11. Awesome work painting yet another nudie man ;-)
    I love the way you highlighted each and every muscle on that barbarians body! ☆☆☆☆☆

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    1. It was a labour of love. Because I love naked musclemen.

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    2. Haha... you crack me up <(^_^)>

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  12. I love the fact you still have your first ever paint, and its this oiled muscular fellow. I love even more that you have smugly stuck two fingers up at your younger self: "Look how much better I am now, you immature, spotty oil." You showed Ensign Crooks, you sure did!

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    1. If the sword snaps off my newly painted one I'll be the laughing stock of me.

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