04 July 2016

28 millimeters later...

Asslessman : There are times when men just cannot escape the prejudices commonly associated with their gender. Not even when these men are some of the finest examples of bearded piles of witty muscles, so certainly not when those men are my brother James and I ...

What is all of this about ? How does it have any relevance with Zombies ? I hear you say ? Well, just stop interrupting us and we're about to tell you.

"- How dare you say I still drybrush ! Take that back !
- I won't sir ! And I will add that YOU DIP !
- I've had enough, this will only end when the first drop of Go Fasta Red falls :"

Captain Crooks : Yes Brother Ass, there comes a time when even the best of friends and even brothers must come to blows and in recent days the gauntlet has been thrown.

You may all remember a small project that JB and Axiom started on their own separate blogs, the Rogue Quest painting adventure. They took it upon themselves to recreate the character tropes of the traditional dungeon crawl in a sci-fi setting, and while they were doing that, I got to work on the actual gameplay in the form of the ARTQ sub-project, with a huge help from fellow enthusiast Niibl, who provided me with 11th hour weapon stats from the 41st millennium, reworked for Advanced Heroquest.

Anyway, my scenario, It Came Upon a Midnight Fear, made heavy use of fantasy ghouls, which, while perfectly adequate for the purpose (and deeply, deeply sexual), severely undermined poor Cheetor's aesthetic sensibilities to the point where he gave me a few sprues of Mantic 'plague zombies' and demanded I use them instead.

Flash forward to a typical afternoon in WiPster HQ where we were discussing the merits of the plague zombie kit as a sci-fi/resident evil type monster mook type when JB Assless came strutting in with his fancy pants and jaunty stride and overheard us chinwagging.

"Oh, those old things," quoth he, "I've got like infinity of them all assembled and ready to paint. And you?"

Well now, I hadn't assembled a single one of course, but I wasn't about to let that baguette-wearing beret-eating buffoon know that.

"As a matter of fact I've got like infinity-plus-one already assembled and I could paint them in like 5 seconds if I wanted to."

"Could not!"

"Could so too!"

"Could so too not times 10!"

"Could so too times infinity 10 plus another 10! I can paint them faster than you!"

"Prove it!"

And so, with these fateful words uttered, and witnessed by our fellows, it was on like P-Diddy playing with a Kong. We are going to have a space ghoul race, winner takes all.*

Asslessman : And so it began, after finishing to assemble and base those models that were TOTALLY assembled before (I just finished them a bit more), I had these sweet babies in hand :

Here you have the new forms of : Alex Capella, John Itchypants, Professor "Morningface", Josh Maguts, Private Xib, Sofia Johansson, Venus Plyer and Veronica Corningbone. These are the models with which I'm going to prove my unconditional superiority in the field of painting 8 sci-fi zombies against someone living on the other side of the globe, oh yes...

Captain Crooks: One of the key elements of my fantasy ghoul mob was their DEEP sexuality.

They were not afraid to explore themselves, even in the midst of a sweaty dungeon, so it was important for me to preserve an element of that stickiness in these new updated versions.

So I ever so subtly converted three of them to be either grabbing their engorged crotches, or  just letting their ghoulish manhood hang ten in a pant leg. It's a small nod but one I'm pleased with. Also it sort of looks like they are taunting JB Assless about his imminent failure to win this challenge, which is nothing but appropriate.

So here we stand, primed and ready for action. The scarf has been dropped, the starting gun fired, the bikini clad girls have held up the round card. May the best man (me) win!


  1. I will beat you like an egg JB

    1. I'm the omelette that's gonna drown you mec (leaves the room voguing)


  2. I will beat myself like an egg when I see the the finished miniatures and photos of the loser crying with snot coming out his nose.

  3. There needs to be a suitable forfeit.

  4. Is it wrong if This post is beating me off? Lmao perfect post to wAke up to.